12th March 2010

Today, I have started my day by reading the article for the Votava's presentation. Though the starting is not bad, I failed in cooking today morning. The reason may be that my mind may corrupted before starting the cooking. I don't know what is the real reason. It may be due to I may interrupted by Kana by giving me some freedom in cooking. Rice got burnt and mistakenly poured more oil in the pulusu mix.

In the bus, I didn't reacted to Swetha properly in the bus. She told me to close the bag. But I was in full cup. During the presentation discussion, I'm stammaring. Group members are not listening to me at all. Mia and Johan are better, they were trying to extract something from me. In my opinion, the experience is negative only. I have felt little embrased due to burnt rice during the lunch. Eventhough, I were with the europeans during eating, I couldn't mingle with them in their conversation. Something is hindering me from expressing myself.It may be inferiority complex. I should have spoken to Marion, when I saw here while she coming out from toilet.

In the afternoon, during the presentation, as usual, my voice have raised and I stammered. People are laughed at me. I strongly believe, my thinking is correct that is I should explain to others in such a way that they understand. But I'm failuring due to lack of practise.

11th March

I have started another good day. Wiped mustache. I looked into Natalie's eyes without taking, she slightly felt unconfortable and changed the situation by telling. I felt confortable while conversing with the Chinese girls. Reaction with the group mates for not doing the presentation is not good. The problem is I don't know properly react to others. While asking the feedback of yesterday's presentation, I'm not proper. Inferiority complex is existing. I'm not behaving normal and feel shy. During interaction in the class, I did 3 mistakes with Votava. First one, talked about Olof's comment, second one was commenting the European eating behaviour and the last is not concentrating properly and strange reaction during the converstation.

Not involved in the birthday party, which was happened in the Baldar student accommodation. I was just struck up on seeing the known persons. Here also, shyness prevails. I couldn't purchase the grocery items and chocolates for the last lecture of the course.

My Problems

Socializing is my problem. I'm very much comfortable when I'm alone, but I'm not getting what I want. When I try to socialize, I don't know how to interact with people and I just struck up resulted in embarased stage. Main problem with me is I'm failing to express myself. I'm trying, but I need somebody to crack myself. Even for approaching somebody to crack me also I'm hesistant. Problem is in my thinking, I want to be perfect, I dont accept the lesser than that. I don't want to be discussed by others for my negativities. Since I'm aiming only for the perfect, I'm not satisfied for whatever self improvement I have done. After a particular stage, I have a feeling that I have gone back to the starting level. Now I have to implement a step by step process. But I dont have much opportunities now and time also limited. Anyway I'm going to start from the zero.

Steps:
1) See others eye and speak. (Hard to implement everywhere, mainly where I failed before)
2) Tell your opinion there itself, whether right or wrong. If it went wrong, admit you are like this only and surrender to them, they will shape you.
3) Slowly start thinking in their perspective
4) Get the frequent feedback about from the persons who you are meeting first time. (You won't feel much embaraced)

Perfect world

Here, I'm going to write about how a perfect world should look like according to me.

1) No country boundaries, everyone can go any part of the world without passport and visa
2) Single Currencies
3) Religiion only for the development of man kind not for the destruction
4) Equal and optimum consumption of goods by each and every human being
5) Respect for the elders and giving importance to the family values